


Yes, You Really Do Need To Go Hug Her

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6000898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N</p><p>co-wrote this with somebody i used to know.</p></blockquote>





	Yes, You Really Do Need To Go Hug Her

Carli finished her last push up and stood up. The rest of the team had left over an hour earlier when Dawn had released them from training. Slowly, she made her way to the training room, grabbed hear gear, and headed upstairs to her room for a much-needed shower.

Muffled sounds came from behind the door as Carli slid the key in, and waited impatiently until the key pad flashed green, granting her access. As Steph's voice got louder Carli chuckled lightly to herself, figuring her young roommate was poking fun at Sam again.

Steph sat on the end of her bead still wearing her training gear. She had tried to call Kristie 6 times but each time she had gotten her voice mail. The first 5 times she didn't leave a message but this time she couldn't help herself. "Hey Kristie, it's me. I'm freaking out. I didn't get fucking allocated. You know what that means. You know it means they are going to ax me. I thought I did ok. I thought I did ok." She ended the call before turning her head and seeing Carli coming in. She quickly dried her eyes and tried to hid the quiver in her lip. 

"Hey Carli." She hung her head to try to keep the red eyes she was sporting from being seen. "How was your . . . er . . . extra work outs?" She tried to hid the fear in her voice about her future on the team but it seeped into each word.

Carli froze. She was not a maternal human, something that she had been repeatedly telling Brian lately. Carli Ann Lloyd was not the teammate that someone went looking for when they were upset. That would be Lauren Cheney. Or Cap. But Cheney had retired, and Cap was injured, and Carli had just been named co-captain.

She breathed in quietly, and looked Steph in the eyes. "Work outs were good, I beat my push up record. Again." A small frown formed on Carli's face as she took a few more steps into the room. "Look, Steph. We're friends. Friends tell each other when things are wrong, right?"

Steph wiped angrily at her eyes as she tried to figure out how to tell her mentor what was going on in her head. "I wasn't allocated." She finally said. "I worked so hard in camp and I know my last game wasn't perfect. But I fucking worked, Carli. I worked so hard and now I've got half a foot out the door. I know the others worked hard too but Rosie is in college and we all knew she wasn't going to make it. And Danny didn't get any play time. But I did. I even scored. And now? Now what the hell do I do?" She pulled her knees up to her chest and pressed her forehead against them as her frame shook.

"You know, Steph, I was in a similar position once. I was cut from the U20s team. I yelled that it was unfair because I was working hard, but now I know it was not hard enough." Carli sighed at the still painful memory as she sat down on her own bed facing Steph. "I would have quit. But my trainer, James Galanis, told me that he would make me the best in the world. All I had to do was put soccer first in my life. If you're willing to do that, I'm willing to help you too." Carli looked expectantly at the younger girl.

"Yeah." Steph tried to hold back her tears but each time she thought she managed it ended with her crying just as hard. "It is though. Kirstie and I play together and we're moving in together. We train hard as hell and we love the team even if we're bottom of the table. The only thing I love more than Soccer is Tom Brady and he doesn't fuck with my training."

Carli laughed, she tried to hold it in but she couldn't help it. She did, however, have the decency to duck her head sheepishly when Steph glared at her in response.

"Well." Carli tilted her head slightly, as the gears in her brain started working. "You're naturally a forward, but Jill needs midfielders. When you train with the Breakers, or with Kristie, or with yourself, you're training as a forward. What we need to do is get you training as a midfielder." Carli smiled at the younger girl, feeling confident that she had found a solution to Steph's issue.

"Yeah." Steph wasn't sure if Carli knew how much she didn't give a flying fuck about the way she should be training at the moment. She wanted to hear that she was good enough. That her hard work would get her somewhere. She needed someone to hug her and make her feel like she was a part of all this. And all Carli was doing was offering her practical things that right now couldn't comfort her. "Thanks Sauce." She laid down on her side with her back to Carli.

Satisfied with the reply she got, Carli pulled her sweatshirt and mid-layer over her head, wincing slightly at the soreness in her arms. "You're welcome, littlest Masshole." Carli smiled proudly at having cheered up her teammate. I'm going to be such a good captain.

Carli kicked off her shoes, and pulled her pants off, leaving her in just a tank top and Nike pro shorts. She grabbed her booties out of her workout bag and headed towards the bathroom for one of her infamous ice baths, not noticing Steph's loud sighs.

A twelve minute ice bath and a relaxing shower later, Carli wrapped herself in layer upon layer of warm clothing again and walked back into the room.

Steph was hugging a pillow on her bed still crying. She had her face against the pillow trying to keep herself from making too much noise so Carli wouldn't see how much this was hurting her. She didn't want to bother to captain when all her issue was was a failing of her nerve. She lifted her head again and checked her phone to see if Kristie had called her back. Still no reply. 

She pressed her face against the pillow and once again cursed Emily and Sam for going out together to the movies. Sam always demanded people turn their phones off in movies when they went so for at least another two hours Sam wasn't able to comfort her either. She whimpered slightly at the thought.

Carli looked at Steph, wondering if the younger girl was asleep. When she heard small noises coming from Steph, Carli had to bite back a laugh. Her teammate was probably talking to herself again. 

"Hey Steph, do you want to watch Bend It Like Beckham? I need some down time before I do visualizations."

Steph didn't answer as she tried to fight back the tears still leaking from her eyes." Yeah. Yeah." She rolled over with the pillow still in her arms and tried to keep herself from showing the pain she was still in. She did her best to look at Carli with the tears gone but she ended up breaking down and sobbing into the pillow. She shook more and more violently before a slight whimper left her lips.

Carli froze.

This was not in the Captaincy job description that Jill had eventually handed her after Carli had demanded for an official typed up [report] for the third time. She had read it back to front enough times to memorize it, and comforting a crying teammate was most certainly not included. Maybe it was part of Becky's Captaincy roles. 

Carli walked around to the table in between the two beds, steadfastly ignoring Steph's eyes, picked up the remote, and clicked through the buttons until she reached the DVD's menu screen. She paused briefly, glancing out of the side of her eye at Steph before she hit play. 

As the opening scene started, Carli grabbed her phone out of her pocket. 

To: Hope: 911. My room. Steph is crying.

Steph just tried to cry as softly as she could so Carli could watch her movie in peace. She knew where captain wasn't great at being able to handle moments like this. But she was hoping for a little more when it came to Carli seeing the pain in her eyes. She just hoped Carli didn't have kids.

Hope barreled through the door, her eyes wide with fear. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Carli glared at her best friend. "No." She got up swiftly, grabbed Hope's arm and started marching towards the door that the older girl had just tore through. Carli stopped abruptly and turned to Steph, almost like an afterthought, "Keep watching the movie, we'll be back soon."

Steph nodded as she turned to face the wall instead of the movie, shivering like it was December in Boston.

The room door closed, more softly than it had been slammed open moments earlier, and Carli congratulated herself on having remembered to grab her keycard. 

"Carli, what is going on?" Hope's eyes had softened slightly, but fear was still evident in them.

"She's crying." Carli stated, as though it were enough of an explanation. 

Hope searched Carli's face for any other clues as to what was happening. "Did you ask her what's wrong?" 

"She's worried about being cut from the team, so I told her what James said to me, and to keep training hard." The proud smile Carli wore faded when Hope didn't smile back at her. 

"Carli."

"Hope."

"Seriously?" Hope raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, her eyes narrowing at her friend's behavior. "She is upset and scared and probably feels like she's not good enough. She opened up to you because she looks up to you and needs comfort and that is how you help her?"

"Well I told her I would help her become a real midfielder!" Carli said indignantly.

Hope sighed. "Carli. Carli, you are my dear good friend, and you mean very much to me. But you are sometimes an idiot."

Carli furrowed her eyebrows, not understanding Hope's reaction. 

"She knows she has to work hard. We all do. Every day we are here, we are fighting for a spot." Hope placed a hand on Carli's shoulder, waiting until the midfielder relaxed slightly. "She's young, and scared. Just like you were. Just like I was. You don't need to tell her to work hard. What you need to do is go in there and tell her she is good enough, and give her a hug until she feels better." 

Carli opened her mouth to argue, but Hope beat her to it. 

"Yes, you really do have to hug her. Now go." Hope nudged Carli slightly in the direction of the door.

Steph laid on the bed and heard the movie but didn't take any of the words in. She thought she and Carli connected but she was more sure now than ever she didn't belong on this team and didn't belong wth these players. If she was this upset and Carli, her captain, didn't seem to be bothered by it maybe Carli already knew she was going to be cut. She pulled the pillow even closer to her chest as she heard the doors open. Maybe they were finally going to tell her she was done for.

Carli cleared her throat once. Then twice. She saw Hope glare at her, so she took a deep breath in and face her roommate. Then cleared her throat just one more time for good measure. "Steph. Can we talk?"

Steph slowly moved her face from behind her pillow. "It's alright Carli. I know you don't want to be bothered with how much of a fuck up I am. I'll go somewhere else and you and Hope can watch the movie or whatever. Maybe I can go find some coffee and then a liquor store. It's not like it matters anymore."

"NO."

Carli turned towards Hope, confusion in her eyes. 

"Steph, I'm sorry. I should not have yelled at you. What I meant to say was, please don't leave. Please listen to what Carli has to say. And please, if you choose to leave, please do not go to a liquor store. Not in this state."

When Steph nodded, Hope turned to Carli, silently urging her on, and hoping her best friend would not fuck this up completely. 

"Steph, you're not a fuck up. Get that out of your head right now. You have more talent than any of the other rookies. You even managed to do something that I didn't - you scored on your first cap. James has told me over and over how diffi-"

Carli's profession of love for her trainer was drowned out by a dry, forced cough from beside her. When she caught Hope's glare, Carli groaned.

"You're just saying that." Steph shook her head. "Emily was the number one pick and people were fighting over her. And Mal was fought over by Portland too. Yeah I was #5 in my year but still." Steph shrugged and pulled her pillow back against her chest. You don't have to say shit just to make me feel better. I'm not Mal, I'm not a teenager. I've been in this league a full year. I know what's expected there. Maybe I'm just meant to stay in Boston and play a few years and then retire to be some BC ex football player's wife or something."

Carli turned to Hope, waiting for the older woman to react rudely. She didn't. 

"Stephanie, Carli wasn't just saying that. I know that she cares about you, almost as much as she cares about me." Hope smiled smugly, but kindly, as she continued, "She has talked about you ever since your first call up to camp last year."

Carli nodded, but stayed silent, knowing it was best to leave the talking to Hope at this point. 

"She's just bad at helping people with anything even remotely emotional because she is a robot who has yet to be taught how to human."

Okay, maybe it wasn't best to leave the talking to Hope.

Steph smiled. For a moment she forgot herself and let a smile crack. She looked over Carli to Hope and back to Carli before she wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm being so much trouble." She muttered, shaking her head. "I just really thought I was going to be allocated. I thought I was good enough, you know?" She muttered as she tried to figure out just what she had to do to make an impression on the coaching staff. She thought her goal was something that would seal the deal. Clearly not. "I don't want to fail at the thing I'm best at. I don't want to let my mom down. She gave up a lot to make sure that I could play in the NWSL. We make shit for pay if we're not on the NT."

Hope's growl of agreement was cut short by Carli. 

"It's shitty. It's shitty, and even if I were actually human, I wouldn't have a good answer to that. Jill is not a good decision maker. I mean look at when she put me-" Carli stopped herself, "Never mind. Jill is bad at decisions. I will never have an explanation for 90% of what comes out of her mouth, Steph. But I do know that you're good enough. And I know you're not being any amount of Trouble. I mean, I'm friends with this one over here." Carli tilted her head towards Hope, knowing the older one wouldn't mind being called out on her own shit.

Steph nodded slowly, trying to take it in. "Thanks." She looked up at Carli. "Really, thank you." She reached over and grabbed a tissue to dry her eyes. That's all it took. Just someone telling her she really was good enough and she was ok. At least she was ok enough to stop the waterfall of tears pouring out of her. She's talk to Sam or Kristie later for the real prep talk but for now she felt like she might really be up to the level of Hope and Carli were saying that she was. "You guys remind me of Kristie and me. She gets in trouble and I have to get into a bar fight to save her. Or you know whatever."

The two older women looked at each other, both trying not to smirk, and both failing at it. 

"Or something like that, yeah." Hope laughed quietly to herself. "Okay. So, Steph since you seem to be holding out okay, and since Carli's human software has been re-booted, I am going to go back to the book I was reading. Steph, if she starts glitching again, I'm just down the hall." 

Hope turned towards her best friend, "And you. You go easy on her. We're not all robots." 

Carli smiled at the good-natured teasing, and waved as Hope left the room. 

Clenching her jaw she sat at the edge of her bed to face her roommate. "I'm sorry Steph. I'm not always good with personal things. On the field, in the gym, in the team meeting room; I know how to handle things. But when it comes to human beings, I only really know how to handle Hope and Brian. I'll try harder next time."

Steph moved to sit on the edge on her bed, looking over at the woman who did what any attacking player could only dream of. "When you were playing in the final I was in a bar in Boston." She said softly, her voice still a little shaky. "I was with Kristie and Sam and we were watching you do this amazing things. I knew you a little from last year's camp but I didn't really know you, not like now. I knew I wanted that one day. Or at least the chance to be in that game, you know? You are someone I look up to." She shrugged before standing up. "I'm going to go grab a shower and then we can watch the movie, ok?"

Carli stared at Steph, stunned. "Oh-okay. Thank you for saying that, Steph. I'm happy to be that person for you."

Steph grabbed a change of clothing before heading into the bathroom to shower. Even if she still needed Kristie or Sam to make her head stop feeling jumbled at least she felt better than she had. And she found out something that made her feel better about herself. Carli Lloyd was in fact flawed.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> co-wrote this with somebody i used to know.


End file.
